How much of the holidays do you spend listening to people tell you directly, or indirectly how much rubbish you are? Is that fun? Is it true? If not and you'd like something different, play this game. Whenever you sense someone is looking to criticize, hurt, insult, or provoke you, smile, nod gently and – without heat – reply “interesting point of view”. You are acknowledging their viewpoint and allowing them to enjoy it. You're not agreeing they're right, and you're not being distracted by falling into an angry, emotional reaction, which is often what they really want so they can control you. If you need to pull the heat out of an intense onslaught, say “You're right. I'm wrong” three times. Our addiction to right and wrong, good and bad is one of the strongest we have. These two magic phrases will invite the energy of allowance into your holidays. Just think, if everyone were in allowance, could family feuds, neighboring conflicts, and even war, fall over like dominoes?
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Do you have crowds of people overrunning your house during a holiday season? Or just ONE person sucking up all the air or boxing you into a corner? Here's another game to play at these times. The rules are simple. Whenever you start to feel you're folding, stapling, mutilating, or contracting yourself to fit into someone else's holiday box, or you're gasping in the vacuum because they've sucked out all the air in the room, or you feel pinned beneath the weight of your family's baggage and expectations expand outwards. How? Just consciously ask your edges to move out. How far? As far as you need in all directions until you become lighter and spacier. Can anyone hang their baggage on your hooks if you're pure space? Will you have any hooks left? Practice this game. When you master it, you might even find people fall straight through you, flat on their face. And who said slapstick wasn't funny?
How do you normally approach the holidays? Do prepare yourself to grin and bear all the things you think you're supposed to do? Do you go to places you'd rather not, or stay longer than you enjoy, because someone in your family has decided it's required? If you'd like to enjoy the holidays more, next time play a game of Nurture You Monopoly. The rules are: whatever arrangements your family has made, pre-plan a time and place to do something you really enjoy. Would that be a massage, pedicure, coffee with friends, a walk up the mountains or along the beach? Or something else? Then devise an exit. Ask a friend to call you with an excuse. Pre-arrange a taxi to come and pick you up. When the phone call or taxi arrives, say: “Thank you so much for today! I just have to pop out now to help my friend. I'll be back to enjoy it even more a bit later!” Then smile, LEAVE and nurture you.
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